Fox Is Developing A Female-Led TV Reboot Of Shane Black’s ‘The Nice Guys’ – Can A TV Reboot Capture The Same Magic As The Original?

Shane Black’s 2016 film The Nice Guys is one of the best comedies in recent memory. It masterfully integrated the heart-pounding action elements of a buddy-cop romp with the sharp, dark wit commonly seen in Black’s films. Now, it’s officially returning to the public eye on the small screen with a change that seems to be a current trend in both film and TV.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, Fox has “given a script commitment plus penalty” for the gender-swapped reboot of The Nice Guys, which is currently titled The Nice Girls. The series is still in the early stages of development and is described as a one-hour contemporary female take on the acclaimed feature film which saw Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe play a mismatched duo tasked with solving the disappearance of a young woman in 1977.

2011’s 30 Minutes Or Less writer Michael Diliberti is set to write and executive produce the series along with Ken Kao (The Glass Castle), Rodney Ferrell and Black’s frequent collaborator, Joel Silver. Silver served as the producer on the original film and also produced the Lethal Weapon franchise – another property that has been rebooted as a TV series on Fox and is currently on their second season. The network also recently announced a TV adaptation of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic True Lies, so they certainly aren’t slowing down when it comes to adapting film favorites for the small screen.

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[Credit: Warner Bros]

Can This TV Reboot Capture The Film’s Brilliance?

It’s somewhat ironic that while The Nice Guys was an antidote to the lack of original storylines in movies, it has now become another property set to be reimagined for TV.

The Nice Guys was praised by fans and critics alike, and grossed $62 million worldwide on a $50 million budget. While that number is respectable, it wasn’t nearly enough to warrant the studio giving the green light for a sequel that virtually every fan of the film (including myself) wanted to see.

It’s somewhat ironic that while The Nice Guys was an antidote to the lack of original storylines in movies, it has now become another property set to be reimagined for TV. A reboot can certainly be just as good as the film, however it’s seemingly destined to be a constant uphill battle because of how revered the original film is – why not just create a brand new property featuring two female characters similar to Ryan Gosling’s Holland March and Russell Crowe’s Jackson Healy? 

Including The Nice Guys’ label on this potential series is going to come with certain expectations that simply wouldn’t be present had it been developed as a new addition to the classic buddy-cop genre.

I truly hope that original director Shane Black is somehow involved in the creative process. The original was a 16-year passion project of his and the love he had for it is clearly illustrated with every word spoken from each character. Black describes how he strove to not make the main pairing in The Nice Guys your typical buddy cop duo:

“… [It’s] so common nowadays if you’re doing a detective or cop buddy movie to just pluck two SNL alumni and say ‘Be funny.’ And that’s something I was never capable of. I need guys who are organically good—who have the gravitas and the acting chops to do the dark moments as well.”

It’s with this mindset and the subversion of certain action comedy tropes that caused fans to adore The Nice Guys as much as they do. Hopefully The Nice Girls is able to follow in the footsteps of its cinematic counterpart and feature action sequences that aren’t necessarily one bombastic bang after another, and well-rounded characters who don’t solely exist for a punch line.

(Sources: THR | Variety)
featured image credit: warner bros.

Are you looking forward to The Nice Girls? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

 

It’s The CG-Eye Of The Tiger: Ranking The 5 Greatest SFX Tigers In Movies And TV

CGI is a hell of a drug.

Throughout the past two decades, there has been incredible technological achievements when it comes to utilizing computer generated effects to create the illusion of an actual figure. Composing a member of the animal kingdom is a common tactic seen in films and TV and there are certain moments when the composition is nearly flawless.

Although tigers are beautifully majestic creatures, if they choose to, they can brutally mess one up in an instant. Thankfully we have the technology available to portray these lovable powerhouses on the screen and while there are certain instances when an actual tiger is utilized, there are others where it is completely CGI.


5. Tiger In The Bathroom

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The Hangover | Warner Bros.
  • Film The Tiger Appears In: The Hangover (2012)

The 2009 comedic hit The Hangover earned an impressive $44 million on its opening weekend and went on to gross over $467 million at the worldwide box office. In the film, a full-grown tiger is seen in one of the most sacred locations a human can be in: the bathroom. A dazed and unsuspecting Alan (Zach Galifianakis) finds said tiger in the penthouse bathroom and the hungover crew is left wondering what they could possibly do with it.

In an interview around the time of its release, Ed Helms provided some insight into the hilarious sequence that sees his character, Stu attempt to subdue the tiger with a sleeping pill inserted into a nice steak. He stated the tiger was a combination of both a real tiger on set and CG effects and that he was “terrified the entire time.”

4. The Gladiatorial Tiger

  • Film The Tiger Appears In: Gladiator (2000)

2000’s Academy Award winning Gladiator brought audiences to ancient Rome and the violently brutal gladiatorial games that occurred in the Colosseum. During a heart-pumping sequence, Maximus comes face to face with an angry tiger as he fights for his life against Tigris of Gaul.

Actual tigers were used during the marveling sequence and post-production house, The Mill, was tasked with composing the tigers originally filmed on blue screen into the fight sequences.

Ask any historical buff and they will tell you all about the horrifying gladiatorial games that occurred during the ancient Roman era, which have in turn been realized on the big screen by Ridley Scott. The celebrated director initially wanted a rhinoceros to enter the arena, but settled for a tiger when he was given a resounding “no” on that prospect.

3. Richard Parker

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Life Of Pi | 20th Century Fox

 

  • Film The Tiger Appears In: Life Of Pi (2012)

Based on the 2001 novel of the same name, a majority of Life Of Pi is spent at sea with a young man and a Bengal tiger. Director Ang Lee has stated that the most important component of the story is the relationship between Pi Patel (Suraj Sharma) and the tiger, Richard Parker and the Oscar-winning film certainly captures that importance with every scene.

Due to the nature of the story and dangers that arise when handling a tiger on a ship with a teenager, visual effects supervisor Bill Westenhofer realized heavy digital effects were needed as they “didn’t want [the] actor to get eaten.” To achieve the daunting task of portraying a realistic tiger interacting with Pi, real tigers were utilized in production for reference, motion capture and brief inclusions in actual scenes. The VFX crew were then tasked with including the intricacies of a tiger many general audiences wouldn’t even notice such as the jiggle of its body or how its paw rolls.

Westenhofer reveals the task “set [the] bar high for CGI” and explains the importance of getting the job done right:

“We couldn’t cheat at all. It pushed the artists to go and deliver something that’s never been done before, something as photo-real as anyone has ever done with an animal.”

Check Out The ‘Creating Richard Parker’ Featurette Below:

2. Shiva

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The Walking Dead | AMC

 

  • Series The Tiger Appears In: The Walking Dead

During the second episode of the hit AMC series The Walking Dead, fans were treated to the introduction of King Ezekiel (Khary Payton) and his pet tiger, Shiva. In a universe where walkers roam free and a Lori is potentially on the road, it never hurts to have the added protection of a loyal feline by your side. With Ezekiel’s throne and Shiva’s intimidating presence, this duo entered the hearts of fans immediately and caused a twitter storm of adoration when the episode entitled “The Well” aired in October 2016.

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The Walking Dead | AMC

 

When brainstorming how to bring the tiger to life, The Walking Dead creator Robert Kirkman revealed that he and showrunner Scott Gimple decided on utilizing both animatronics and CGI, as opposed to having an actual tiger roaming around the set. Greg Nicotero directed the episode and explained how a majority of Shiva was done through animatronics while CGI was used to create facial expressions and specific detailed movement.

Nicotero appeared on The Talking Dead following the episode and revealed building something “so beautiful and so elegant” was a welcome change from the seven years of “dead, horrible things” the crew became accustomed to creating.

1. Shere Khan

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The Jungle Book | Disney

 

Last year’s live action adaptation of The Jungle Book featured an all-star voice cast and was a monstrous hit, grossing over $966 million at the worldwide box office. The truly mind-blowing aspect of this visually stunning film is that it was mostly shot in a Los Angeles warehouse with star Neel Sethi having to interact with blue screen and sharpening up his imagination skills.

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The Jungle Book | Disney

 

The aesthetic of the film was not the only reason for why critics and audiences alike flocked to the theater, the development of its characters appealed to many with virtually everyone lauding Idris Elba’s phenomenal performance as the villainous Shere Khan. Although the animals of the kingdom seemingly coexisted in peace, as soon as the presence of Shere Khan was felt, teeth began to chatter and a sense of unease plagued both the fictional characters and theatrical audience.

Ben Jones, who served as the character supervisor on the film, reveals that the construction of each animal was done entirely from the ground up. The dedication went so far as to create an anatomically accurate portrayal of the animals by tirelessly researching on them and developing them to mimic their real-world counterparts. The combination of the seamless CG and Elba’s commanding voice performance ultimately translated to a terrifying antagonist on screen that possessed all the subtle details an actual tiger would have.

There are a ton of impressive CG characters and utilization of visual effects executed in certain films and TV shows that make you do a double take whenever you view them. With mo-cap artists such as Andy Serkis and Toby Kebbell illustrating their Oscar caliber-level performances in the rebooted Planet Of The Apes franchise, more actors may begin focusing on the art of CG and what that world can bring on screen. No one knows where the technological advancements will be five years from now, however if the above are any indication, it is not slowing down one bit.

Which cuddly feline would you most want to spend a day with? Let me know in the comments below!

Episode 8 Of ‘Riverdale’ (“The Outsiders”) Made Me Completely Reevaluate My Perspective On Hal Cooper With A Brilliant Revelation

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 8 OF RIVERDALE ENTITLED “THE OUTSIDERS”


The aptly-titled episode name for last week’s Riverdale depicts the various outsiders that inhabit the titular town with pep. They range from the Serpents gang, who attempt to distance themselves from the Riverdale residents by wearing matching leather jackets, to a daughter returning from the outside world of the Sisters to the familial pressures of wealthy WASPs. I was a little disappointed Betty (Lili Reinhart) didn’t pipe up during the baby shower with a “Stay Golden, Pollyboy” reference but I digress.

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[Credit: The CW[

The episode progressed the ever-growing drama between the Coopers and Blossoms and revealed a major development to the character of patriarch Hal Cooper (Lochlyn Munro): he sure likes to “fix those problems” associated with unplanned pregnancies… And in a surprising realization, Alice Cooper (Mädchen Amick) is not the crazy parent of that family. Quite the contrary. Hal’s true colors were revealed in “The Outsiders” in a brilliant move by the writers who subverted the expectations many viewers (myself included) had regarding Hal as the Henpecked Husband, a trope which here means a husband who squirms under the thumb of a domineering wife.

Hal Cooper Is A Scumbag

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[Credit: The CW]

There were definitely instances throughout the season that illustrated Hal’s partaking in the lying and scheming that seems to be a popular past time with virtually every Riverdale resident. And yet, there was always that hint of him being the voice of reason for the Cooper family. He is simply the poor guy with an overbearing wife.

It is the lying that illustrates the scumbaggery of Hal Cooper.

“The Outsiders” revealed that not only has Alice had an abortion (commonly referred to as “an appointment”) at the behest of Hal, he was going to take the same page out of his playbook and book an appointment for Polly (Tiera Skovbye) to rid her of “that mistake” – without telling Alice! Now, Alice is the farthest thing from being a perfect mother yet the blatant disregard Hal has for his wife/mother of his children speaks volumes for what kind of person he is. It is the lying that illustrates the scumbaggery of Hal Cooper. He insists that Polly is not ready to have a child despite her being fortunate enough to have virtually everything necessary to raise a child. The actual reasoning for why he doesn’t want Polly to have the child is this consistent regurgitation of hating the Blossom family. He is visibly more disgusted by stating “that [Blossom] family” than “that mistake” when attempting to justify his deceit (~1:10 in the clip below).

 For a further representation of how revolting he is, when Alice initially confronts him with the Polly revelation, he has the audacity to state the following:
“This is why I didn’t involve you for this very reason… I knew that you’d overreact.”
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[Credit: The CW]

Hal Is Willing To Sacrifice His Relationship With Polly For An Age Old Blood Feud

Throughout the season we have seen the strained relations among the Cooper family regarding how to deal with Polly’s pregnancy. There has also been a millennia-long rivalry between the Coopers and their competing maple syrup conglomerate, the Blossoms and Hal Cooper has made it his existential duty to rid his family from anything Blossom. Since the father of Polly’s child was the male heir to the Blossom enterprise, Hal views his future grandchild as the son of Satan.

When Alice suggests the prospect of their estranged daughter finally returning home to raise her child, I was forced to disregard every single one of Hal’s previous “concerns” with his utterance of this line:

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[Credit: The CW]

Hal does not care for the well being of his daughter nor does he illustrate any type of respect for his wife. His indifference to what happens with Polly is quite remarkable, so long as she doesn’t bring a whiff of the Blossoms around his Cooper household. I’m sure many of us sympathize with the idea of feeling immense hatred for someone, particularly if you believe they are responsible for ruining your family’s livelihood.

Hal decides sacrificing his relationship with his daughter and future grandchild is the most effective way to illustrate his Blossom hatred. The blind rage he feels for any human being should never compromise the love he has for his family and it is because of this unadulterated rage that will lead him to potentially lose the family he seemingly fights so desperately to keep intact.

The icing on this fruitful cake is the final moments of the episode when Alice threatens to go public if he doesn’t leave. This is the moment that signifies the key difference between the two parents: Alice makes it clear that she is willing to sacrifice herself for the sake of her children. Hal believes Alice would never go public because “what would people think?” The ease in which he demonstrates his ability to smuggily threaten their Stepfordian existence makes it seem like this is not the first time such a threat has been made. He doesn’t realize that he has pushed his wife to the point of no return.

She brought that decrepit nightlight to the baby shower because she cares, damn it! She wants a relationship with her daughter and grandchild regardless of what blood is pumping through the baby’s veins. She is willing to sacrifice her public persona for the sake of her child. That is what a parent does. Hal is digging a hole for himself and frankly, I hope Nana Rose is the one to push him into it.

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[Credit: The CW]

What are your thoughts on Hal? Is he simply misunderstood? Or are you hoping for a Rose v. Hal showdown? Let me know in the comments below!

Finding Perfection In The Imperfect Is What Makes ‘Beauty And The Beast’ A Timeless Tale

Hey! I originally wrote this piece for Moviepilot (with the editing help of the brilliant individuals over there) and hope you all enjoy it here too!

Groundbreaking animation, sweeping landscapes and marvelous musical numbers are just a few of the reasons Disney captivated audiences around the world with its animated masterpiece Beauty and the Beast in 1991.

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‘Beauty and the Beast’ (1991) [Disney]

26 years later the studio is set to charm us once again, this time with a new adaptation that brings Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve’s classic fairy tale to life in a way audiences have never seen before. But it’s not the breathtaking visuals, remarkable songs, or powerful performances that have made this tale as old as time a favorite since it was originally published in 1740.

Though it’s been retold many times and in many different ways, at its core Beauty and the Beast has been a story about acceptance. It’s a tale that encourages us to accept others and ourselves for who we are; reminding us that perfection can be found in the imperfect and we are much more than what can be seen on the surface.

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‘Beauty and the Beast’ (2017) [Disney]

In Praise Of Belle

The character of Belle embraces this notion by consistently remaining headstrong in her actions. Emma Watson portrays Belle in the live-action adaptation and she refers to Belle’s “outsider quality” as an “empowering defiance of what was expected of her.” From her adoration for her father to how she handles Gaston and the eventual love she feels for the Beast, Belle’s ability to radiate immense kindness and strength is an admirable feat this fantastical heroine accomplishes again and again in the story.

Belle’s father, Maurice is essentially the laughing stock of the town due to his numerous failed attempts at inventing and because of her father’s oddities, the town ridicules her. As the vain Gaston relentlessly attempts to woo her, she politely refuses his advances until his sidekick LeFou brings up her “crazy old moon” father. At this point she takes a stand, but never loses sight of the person she is.

Additionally, Gaston’s self-esteem depends on everyone marveling at his looks and complimenting his skills as a hunter every moment of every day. He can’t fathom the idea of anyone not wanting to marry him, which is part of what makes Belle so appealing. She rejects the mainstream definition of perfection, seeking something greater.

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‘Beauty and the Beast’ (2017) [Disney]

Finding Perfection In The Imperfect

In Disney’s animated classic, the heart of this theme is highlighted best as the relationship between Belle and the Beast blossoms.

The sequence following Belle nursing the Beast’s wounds, is one of the most important in the development of the cursed character. The previous decade has been one of seclusion and anger for the Beast due to his inability to change his exterior appearance. He is the furthest thing from perfection on the outside, believing the world will never accept him again. This is furthered by the fact that he has lived a privileged life, surrounded by others who follow his commands because he is the master of his manor. Yet, Belle does not help him because she is obligated. She helps him because she believes it is the right thing to do; staying true to who she is at her core and this awakens a similar aspect of the Beast’s true personality as well. He begins to believe he can be more than what he appears and he does not have to behave in the manner that is expected by others.

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‘Beaury and the Beast’ [Credit: Disney]

He respects Belle’s tenacity and ability to argue with him without feeling the need to hold back. His affection for her grows because she is different and refuses to conform to the definition of what society defined as a “perfect” woman at that time.

When he introduces Belle to his library, it’s a surprise he specifically gears to appeal to her as much as he can. He is aware of her obsessive love for books and her desire to experience something more than life in her small village. Others, view Belle’s priorities as flawed, but the Beast embraces them and begins to realize it’s these aspects of her personality that society has deemed imperfect that make her so special.

Introducing The Story To A New Generation

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Cast 1991 | 2017 [Credit: Pinterest / @MyDisneyDorks]

The 2017 live-action adaptation of the story reiterates this timeless theme in new ways, promoting a more tolerant perspective for those who others view as different.

We are at our best when we accept the differences in ourselves and others.

When it was announced that the adaptation would feature LeFou as an openly-gay character, a storm of controversy began brewing with some threatening to boycott the film. But those groups failed to recognize the central theme that beats at the heart of Beauty and the Beast: we are at our best when we accept the differences in ourselves and others.

The classic adage “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” is as true today as it was when this fairy tale began enchanting audiences nearly three centuries ago. Discovering “perfection” in the “imperfect,” finding “flawlessness” in the “flawed,” and realizing the beauty in the beast is story that speaks to every generation. It inspires us to be more than we are by loving who we are and that’s the reason Beauty and the Beast isn’t simply a tale as old as time, it’s timeless.


Are you planning on checking out the live-action ‘Beauty and the Beast’? Let me know in the comments below!

in the meantime, let’s watch Josh Gad (LeFou) and Luke Evans (Gaston) singing ‘Gaston’ IRL…

The Creator Of The Iconic Star Wars Opening Crawl Believes Not Including The Crawl In ‘Rogue One’ Is “A Huge Mistake”

We are all familiar with the trademark that comes before every Star Wars film installment: its Opening Crawl. It has been a staple in seven saga films and gives the audience a quick explanation of what is occurring in the universe before it delves into the action.

When the news that the first ever Star Wars standalone film, Rogue One would not open with this trademark, there was a divide between those who believe it is the best route to go with the upcoming anthology films and another group who consider this high treason. The man responsible behind creating the crawl for 1977’s Star Wars: A New Hope, does not mince words when it comes to what he thinks on the issue: “It’s foolish.


His Thoughts On Not Including The Crawl

The original title designer for Episode IV, Dan Perri voices his displeasure by explaining how important the crawl is for the legions of Star Wars fans:

“Frankly, it is a huge mistake, because the image is so iconic and it’s so important to tens of millions, hundreds of millions of fans… I couldn’t imagine it starting without that. It’s foolish.”

When asked whether he has seen Rogue One or any of the Star Wars films since A New Hope, Perri reveals he hasn’t and explains that:

“There are too many things to do and there are too many film[s] out there to see.”

The filmmakers have mentioned that Rogue One doesn’t feature a crawl because its story– about a group of Rebels joining forces to steal the plans to the Death Star– already comes from the original crawl Perri created.

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Mention of the Rebel Spies in ‘A New Hope’ | Lucasfilm Ltd

Perri Discusses The Initial Stages Of Creating The Crawl And Using A 1939 Film As Inspiration

Perri has been a film and television title sequence designer for over 30 years and besides creating the main titles for A New Hope, he has created the main titles for more than 400 film and television projects, including Falcon Crest, The Warriors, A Night At The Roxbury and Airplane!

It was definitely no easy feat to earn the stamp of approval of Star Wars creator George Lucas, as Perri would wait for hours for the director to have a few minutes to look at (and reject) his latest attempt at the opening title sequence.

“It Was Just This Stupid Space Film”

Of course, neither Perri or 20th Century Fox Executives at the time knew just how remarkable this “stupid space film”, as Perri initially described it, was. He explains a suggestion made by Lucas which ultimately led to the creation of the iconic Crawl:

“I had no idea what he was doing, so it was just this stupid space film. I didn’t think anything of it… Everything I showed him, he didn’t like. So I was constantly going out there with new ideas, and he would tell me to look at certain films. The Buck Rogers films and all the serials from the ’30s that he was using for inspiration.”

Perri came up with the idea of the Crawl when he saw the 1939 Cecil B. DeMille-directed, Union Pacific:

“He Liked It”

Perri brought the idea of the Opening Crawl to Lucas and was thankfully given the go ahead to arduously execute it:

“He liked the idea, but then I had to start shooting and testing and setting type. I went through 20 or 30 or 40 different type styles before I settled on one. Once we did that, I shot tests for weeks and weeks and weeks… It was all on film. You shoot a test on black-and-white film and then it had to be developed the next day or late that day. I’d rush out to Van Nuys with it and wait for him for hours to show it to him and he never liked it, and it just went on and on and on.”

They finished the Crawl with “maybe a month” left prior to its May 1977 release. Perri describes the feeling of relief when it was ultimately delivered and what he thought of the final result:

“[Lucas] accepted it and they cut it in. By then, it was only maybe a month before the release… The day I delivered it, it was such a relief to drive away from there knowing, ‘Wow, it’s done finally.’… When I think back on it, it wasn’t fun… It was a difficult project, but I’m happy with the results.”

Watch the fruit of Perri’s immense labor below with the Opening Crawl to the original 1977 Star Wars:

Source: THR

Do you guys agree with the original title designer that Rogue One should have had an Opening Crawl? Let me know your thoughts below!


Check Out My Review For Rogue One Below:

Recommendation: Some Like It Hot (1959)

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Osgood: I am Osgood Fielding the third.
Daphne: I’m Cinderella the second.

Some Like It Hot is in my personal list of the greatest comedies of all time.

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TONY CURTIS & JACK LEMMON getting touched up | monovisions

Jack Lemmon/Tony Curtis’ Comedic Brilliance

The chemistry between Jack Lemmon as Jerry and Tony Curtis as Joe is ridiculously spectacular and undeniably one of the best on-screen duos in film. They star as two jazz musicians who witness a Mafia hit, a la the St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, and must disguise themselves to join an all-female jazz band to escape Chicago. No matter how many times I watch it, the dialogue in this Billy Wilder-directed film never ceases to make me laugh just as hard as the first time I viewed it.

Marilyn Monroe’s Charm

The film also stars Marilyn Monroe as Sugar, a beautifully naive singer who begins a friendship with Lemmon’s Daphne and Curtis’ Josephine. Some Like It Hot marks the second collaboration between Monroe and director Billy Wilder; She previously starred in Wilder’s The Seven Year Itch (1955), arguably her most famous role.

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Wilder directing Monroe in her iconic “Subway Dress” scene 

She apparently “jumped at the chance to work on another film with [him]” and “Wilder apparently intended to cast Mitzi Gaynor to play Sugar but after he heard from Marilyn Monroe, the part was hers.

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I highly recommend watching this film if you are so inclined and I will inevitably end up doing a Nostalgia’d Review for it because I love me some Tony Curtis.


The Nitty Gritty

Release Year: 1959.
Director: Billy Wilder (Double Indemnity, Sunset Boulevard, The Apartment).
Stars: Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis, Marilyn Monroe and George Raft.
Run-Time: 2 hours and 12 minutes.

cinemagraph source: Cinegraphiks.
other sources: AFI tumblr, giphy, ehehr’s essay on the Seven Year Itch, The Redlist.

Why I Will Never Get Over That Horrendous Final Season Of ‘Dexter’

Disclaimer
This article spoils major plot points of the TV series, Dexter.

It may seem like I’m rambling at times but… that’s because

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You’ve been warned.


Three years ago, the Showtime hit Dexter concluded its television run with the episode “Remember The Monsters”. Many television fans will tell you just how remarkable those first four seasons were, how Seasons 5-7 were alright… And how Season 8 was arguably the worst thing they have ever seen in their life… At least that’s my personal take on it.

Now I absolutely adored Dexter. When I initially started watching, Season 5 was about to premiere so I watched through Seasons 1-4 in anticipation for it. Man, that was a fun and disgustingly emotional couple of weeks. Let me preface this by saying Rita Morgan was my absolute favorite and I really needed a moment (or five) to myself when she died. My Starbucks name has been “Rita” for the past seven years because of her, that’s how pathetic I am. I hold no resentment toward the showrunners for deciding to kill her off, life’s shitty sometimes and your favorite people die.

What I do hold resentment over is the fact that the final season was so unbelievably awful, nothing can possibly redeem it except maybe using that Men In Black device to completely wipe my brain of any memory of it and never let me watch/become attached to the show.

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This post isn’t meant to sound like I was personally affected by this monstrosity the execs greenlit, although I did invest time out of my life for it but I digress. It is simply a means to express, in my own words and opinion, why the absolute, final time we would ever see these characters sucked so incredibly hard. I promise I’ve gone on with my life, I don’t dwell on it. I just simply can’t forgive such blatant disregard for a character and series that human beings dedicated seven years of their lives to.


A Solid Season 7 Made Us Believe The Final Season Would Be Better Than What We Got

The Seasons predating 7 receive somewhat mixed reviews since Jordan Chase wasn’t anything special and Colin Hanks‘ whatever-he-was really didn’t evoke the fear of a Trinity or even Doakes. That Season 6 ending however was done incredibly well and everyone was excited to see what Season 7 would bring…

Besides one of the stupidest kills in Dexter’s history (the airport kill in the middle of the day) I have two words for you: Isaak Sirko. Arguably one of the best Dexter antagonists since John Lithgow‘s essentially perfect performance as the Trinity Killer in S4… What made Ray Stevenson‘s Sirko even more appealing were his interactions with Dexter and how their characters’ story arcs concluded in such a beautiful way.

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… Not to mention, HOLY FUCKING DICKENS DEB SHOT LaGUERTA TO KEEP DEX’S SECRET! SHIT IS BOUND TO GO DOWN NEXT SEASON, I CAN’T WAIT! I wonder where they’re going to take this… How will Deb & Dexter’s relationship work through this? Will they be able to work through this? What happens when Angel finds out?! In the words of Clay Davis, aw “sheeeeeeeeeit.”

Friends, did any type of shit end up going down?

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Rita Becomes An Afterthought Until Dexter Needs To Use Her Dead Memory To Get Out Of Work

This is the one that truly eeks me the most. Hey, kids… Want to know a surefire way to be able to get out of work to book it to Argentina with your kid & girlfriend?

“Oh hey Angel, uh… I know I literally haven’t spoke about or barely acknowledged it or anything but I’m feeling super sad about Rita dying so… I think I’m gonna leave… Is, is that cool?” – Dexter Morgan, 2013.

The moment where Dexter tells Angel he has to leave because he isn’t over Rita’s death was a slap in the face to every person who believed in the Rita/Dexter pairing. Nevermind people like me who genuinely loved this fictional being, any regular viewer could see Dexter’s progression as a character when their relationship developed over those years. The guy went from a bachelor who barely knew the ins and outs of la pasíon to a full-fledged husband and father. Without delving too much into the Rita/Dexter relationship (as that is for a future post), she challenged him in his ways and he wanted to strive to be better for not only Rita but himself as well, damn it…

This was relegated to “uh, yeah I know I haven’t acknowledged her in years but I need an excuse to leave right now so… Rita.” Motherfucking no, man. Her death was wrapped up in Season 5 and rarely mentioned again prior to Dexter needing an out. Say you hate Miami. Say you hate Angel… Using your dead wife to get out of your job is an incredibly scummy thing to do.

The Anticipation Every Week That Maybe It Will Get Better!

What I usually hear from people who have finished the series following its initial run is, “Oh it’s not that bad, I finished it in a day.” What a luxury, you have there. From Episode 1 to around 7 or so I, among many others, were hopeful that maybe things will get better this week! The last few episodes are just setting things up for the final… moments… I implore anyone who is in the midst of watching Season 8 of Dexter, watch it in a weekly setting to truly appreciate the disdain it will make you feel.

Evelyn and Zach? Yeah, I guess they’re cool but will they reveal who Dexter really is? Saxon AKA Not Gosling, as r/Dexter eloquently nicknamed him? Um… I guess he’s intimidating? I’d have to give a shit about him to be threatened but he’s the antagonist now so… Sean Patrick Flanery? I mean, he can maybe be written up by the Fashion Police for those glasses but besides that, nobody of substance is on this show!

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I find you guilty of committing crimes against fashion

“He’s Good At This”

This is just… ugh. Fast forward to 30 seconds and avoid any hard areas your head may want to smash itself on.

THE TREADMILL

That mother… fucking… treadmill…

I really hope that forty-something year old who played Harrison’s stunt double managed to get work after this…

Not Really Fair To Mention But I Will Anyway: The r/Dexter Discussion Thread for ‘Breaking Bad’s “Ozymandias” Episode

The Dexter subreddit kept me afloat during the final season run. For those unfamiliar, television subreddits usually have an episode discussion every week for its respective show. The penultimate episode of Dexter, entitled “Monkey In a Box”, aired during Breaking Bad‘s “Ozymandias” episode… The episode discussion on the Dexter subreddit that night was that of “Ozymandias” rather than “Monkey In a Box.” At that point, the reddit viewers simply gave up hope that the final two episodes will provide a level of entertainment a series of its calibre should provide, so they thought “why not just discuss Breaking Bad‘s highly-anticipated episode?” Rian Johnson, by the way, directed that episode of Breaking Bad… The helmer of motherfucking Episode VIII directed the Beast that is “Ozymandias.”

When a television subreddit loses faith in its show, the literal place where you will most likely find its fan base, you know shit has gone south.

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So those are my feelings. If you happened to love every single moment of Season 8 and think I am absolutely cuckoo bananas right now, all the more power to you! I love listening to opposing views since that is the beauty of art… Shit’s all subjective, yo.

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What Are Your Thoughts On Dexter, Three Years Later?