Disclaimer
This article spoils major plot points of the TV series, Dexter.

It may seem like I’m rambling at times but… that’s because

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You’ve been warned.


Three years ago, the Showtime hit Dexter concluded its television run with the episode “Remember The Monsters”. Many television fans will tell you just how remarkable those first four seasons were, how Seasons 5-7 were alright… And how Season 8 was arguably the worst thing they have ever seen in their life… At least that’s my personal take on it.

Now I absolutely adored Dexter. When I initially started watching, Season 5 was about to premiere so I watched through Seasons 1-4 in anticipation for it. Man, that was a fun and disgustingly emotional couple of weeks. Let me preface this by saying Rita Morgan was my absolute favorite and I really needed a moment (or five) to myself when she died. My Starbucks name has been “Rita” for the past seven years because of her, that’s how pathetic I am. I hold no resentment toward the showrunners for deciding to kill her off, life’s shitty sometimes and your favorite people die.

What I do hold resentment over is the fact that the final season was so unbelievably awful, nothing can possibly redeem it except maybe using that Men In Black device to completely wipe my brain of any memory of it and never let me watch/become attached to the show.

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This post isn’t meant to sound like I was personally affected by this monstrosity the execs greenlit, although I did invest time out of my life for it but I digress. It is simply a means to express, in my own words and opinion, why the absolute, final time we would ever see these characters sucked so incredibly hard. I promise I’ve gone on with my life, I don’t dwell on it. I just simply can’t forgive such blatant disregard for a character and series that human beings dedicated seven years of their lives to.


A Solid Season 7 Made Us Believe The Final Season Would Be Better Than What We Got

The Seasons predating 7 receive somewhat mixed reviews since Jordan Chase wasn’t anything special and Colin Hanks‘ whatever-he-was really didn’t evoke the fear of a Trinity or even Doakes. That Season 6 ending however was done incredibly well and everyone was excited to see what Season 7 would bring…

Besides one of the stupidest kills in Dexter’s history (the airport kill in the middle of the day) I have two words for you: Isaak Sirko. Arguably one of the best Dexter antagonists since John Lithgow‘s essentially perfect performance as the Trinity Killer in S4… What made Ray Stevenson‘s Sirko even more appealing were his interactions with Dexter and how their characters’ story arcs concluded in such a beautiful way.

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… Not to mention, HOLY FUCKING DICKENS DEB SHOT LaGUERTA TO KEEP DEX’S SECRET! SHIT IS BOUND TO GO DOWN NEXT SEASON, I CAN’T WAIT! I wonder where they’re going to take this… How will Deb & Dexter’s relationship work through this? Will they be able to work through this? What happens when Angel finds out?! In the words of Clay Davis, aw “sheeeeeeeeeit.”

Friends, did any type of shit end up going down?

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Rita Becomes An Afterthought Until Dexter Needs To Use Her Dead Memory To Get Out Of Work

This is the one that truly eeks me the most. Hey, kids… Want to know a surefire way to be able to get out of work to book it to Argentina with your kid & girlfriend?

“Oh hey Angel, uh… I know I literally haven’t spoke about or barely acknowledged it or anything but I’m feeling super sad about Rita dying so… I think I’m gonna leave… Is, is that cool?” – Dexter Morgan, 2013.

The moment where Dexter tells Angel he has to leave because he isn’t over Rita’s death was a slap in the face to every person who believed in the Rita/Dexter pairing. Nevermind people like me who genuinely loved this fictional being, any regular viewer could see Dexter’s progression as a character when their relationship developed over those years. The guy went from a bachelor who barely knew the ins and outs of la pasíon to a full-fledged husband and father. Without delving too much into the Rita/Dexter relationship (as that is for a future post), she challenged him in his ways and he wanted to strive to be better for not only Rita but himself as well, damn it…

This was relegated to “uh, yeah I know I haven’t acknowledged her in years but I need an excuse to leave right now so… Rita.” Motherfucking no, man. Her death was wrapped up in Season 5 and rarely mentioned again prior to Dexter needing an out. Say you hate Miami. Say you hate Angel… Using your dead wife to get out of your job is an incredibly scummy thing to do.

The Anticipation Every Week That Maybe It Will Get Better!

What I usually hear from people who have finished the series following its initial run is, “Oh it’s not that bad, I finished it in a day.” What a luxury, you have there. From Episode 1 to around 7 or so I, among many others, were hopeful that maybe things will get better this week! The last few episodes are just setting things up for the final… moments… I implore anyone who is in the midst of watching Season 8 of Dexter, watch it in a weekly setting to truly appreciate the disdain it will make you feel.

Evelyn and Zach? Yeah, I guess they’re cool but will they reveal who Dexter really is? Saxon AKA Not Gosling, as r/Dexter eloquently nicknamed him? Um… I guess he’s intimidating? I’d have to give a shit about him to be threatened but he’s the antagonist now so… Sean Patrick Flanery? I mean, he can maybe be written up by the Fashion Police for those glasses but besides that, nobody of substance is on this show!

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I find you guilty of committing crimes against fashion

“He’s Good At This”

This is just… ugh. Fast forward to 30 seconds and avoid any hard areas your head may want to smash itself on.

THE TREADMILL

That mother… fucking… treadmill…

I really hope that forty-something year old who played Harrison’s stunt double managed to get work after this…

Not Really Fair To Mention But I Will Anyway: The r/Dexter Discussion Thread for ‘Breaking Bad’s “Ozymandias” Episode

The Dexter subreddit kept me afloat during the final season run. For those unfamiliar, television subreddits usually have an episode discussion every week for its respective show. The penultimate episode of Dexter, entitled “Monkey In a Box”, aired during Breaking Bad‘s “Ozymandias” episode… The episode discussion on the Dexter subreddit that night was that of “Ozymandias” rather than “Monkey In a Box.” At that point, the reddit viewers simply gave up hope that the final two episodes will provide a level of entertainment a series of its calibre should provide, so they thought “why not just discuss Breaking Bad‘s highly-anticipated episode?” Rian Johnson, by the way, directed that episode of Breaking Bad… The helmer of motherfucking Episode VIII directed the Beast that is “Ozymandias.”

When a television subreddit loses faith in its show, the literal place where you will most likely find its fan base, you know shit has gone south.

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So those are my feelings. If you happened to love every single moment of Season 8 and think I am absolutely cuckoo bananas right now, all the more power to you! I love listening to opposing views since that is the beauty of art… Shit’s all subjective, yo.

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What Are Your Thoughts On Dexter, Three Years Later?

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